Minor Scale

Four months go by, you haven’t updated your blog, and then one day you are staring at something bizarre on your computer screen, and you’re like - Screw hiatuseses, I’m posting this shit.

Unless someone can prove me wrong (don’t even bother), I’m pretty sure this is Mallika Sherawat and Peyton Manning busting a move at some desi girl’s sweet sixteen party. I’m sure Mallika agrees the only thing better than putting your bare bum(nsfw) on display at Cannes, is to do the bhangra with a 6-foot-5 quarterback with a laser rocket arm.

Courtesy: Deadspin

More photos here.

“The remake of ‘Don’ that should never have been made!”
“Don disappoints”

Funny how everyone presumes that you already consider the original a classic. Unless you are still a 10yr old living in the DD era or a Amitabh Bachchan fan, there’s no way you can survive that movie. And I’m neither.

Speaking of bad ’superstar’ remakes, Tamil cinema has been churning out many over the past 5-7 years. Except it’s a LOT of delusional fools trying to emulate the original.

Karthik & I have been toying with this idea for some time now, and it has finally taken shape.

Read more about my other blog SilverScreen here.

Thanks to Shankar, master of the vigilante movie, RDB does not shock ‘n awe you with its plot. The mistake would not be in loving or hating this movie, but in taking it too seriously. Let not the fluffy camerawork or light-hearted writing in the first half fool you even for a minute. If you were not incensed & “affected” by the number of corrupt ministers killed in cold blood by the Vijaykants & Sarath Kumars, then you should not care about the style of retribution in RDB either. Accept it as just another revenge drama, albeit shot with more refinement, and you can avoid the brooding after (either over the movie or the money lost).

PS: I’m still recovering from that damn viral fever which could explain the attempt at rationale. Maybe in a week, I’ll be crying into a pillow over my lost seven dollars. Or choking up everytime I hear a fighter plane roar by. God! I hope I get struck by lightning if it’s the latter.

My obsession with subtitles has found a new outlet - Bombay TV (via Screenhead). They call it Bombay TV, but the creative choices are aplenty. My favorite being a clip from, what I think is, Karna with Japanese(?) audio. Muthuraman-san sounds oh! so Samurai.

Some of my movies:
Parts 2 & 3
‘Extra’ Wisdom

I was stuck in traffic today for 10 minutes. A friend of mine was stuck in the cafetaria line for 15 minutes. Karthik is stuck in Malaysia for 2 more weeks waiting on his passport. Mrs.& Mr.Fardeen Khan were stuck in an elevator for 5 minutes. And Salman Khan was stuck at home nursing his brand-new hair. All 86 of them.

Amit links to an Indiatimes article that’ll soon be flooding Inboxes everywhere (it made its way to mine this morning). The updated Rajinikant Logic-Defying Stunt email. Please, someone help me out here. I’ve always wondered about this email. I consider myself a moderate Rajini fan, but am not sure what movies these are allegedly from.

#1 - Chandramukhi, except I don’t remember him jumping high up in the air and staying up there for a few minutes, defying gravity. (He did perform a nifty move where he jumped and clicked his heels, but hey, that was him just dusting off his shoes).
#2 - Chandramukhi again? If yes, then that was supposed to be part of his comedy routine with Vadivelu. Hmm, “comedy routine with Vadivelu”…sounds so much like my “date with Kate Beckinsale“.
#3 - What the Ffffffevicol? Really, he did that?
#4 - Veera, but it was NO swimming pool, but somewhere inside of a recording studio. There’s a difference. Spools of magnetic tape *could* do that to 6 knives. Water cannot, cos’ Water sucks.
#5 - “A coconut falls on the starter, Rajni releases clutch, and away he goes chasing the villains”. He then breaks open the coconut with 6 knives, and with a smattering of cigarette ash, he uses the brake wire and muffler to refine the coconut water into high octane gas. So what?
#6 - I didn’t watch Baba, so let this be from Baba, cos’ Baba was apparently made in the middle of one of his drinking binges.
#7 - One of those Maaveeran/Manithan era movies? They don’t count. Anything after ‘Mr.Bharath’ and before ‘Guru Sishyan’ does not count.
#8 - Rajini runs faster than the current. And what’s logic defying about that?
#9 - We’ve already established what he can do with magnets/magnetic fields. If there is a magnet involved in a Rajini stunt, it is with good reason.

Chocolate is a dumbed down Bollywood version of The Usual Suspects. Well, dumbed down & sexed up with ample Tanushree Dutta cleavage. Assuming you know the premise of the original, the Hindi movie works around the fact that Irfan (orig:Kevin Spacey) is feeding his imagination off the lead stories on the cover of a GQ magazine, which incidentally carries the photo of Anil Kapoor- Britain’s #1 lawyer (his words). At one point in the movie, they zoom in on the cover, as Irfan is in the middle of another one of his yarns. This is what it looked like:

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Tamizh movies must be getting real expensive. Is it just me or is this a cry for help from the producers of Majaa? A subtle pun where they’d like you to know through the Credits about their shaken credit?

The last 10 days have been hectic; time spent poring over mysterious plots and its associated numbers. And I needed the weekend to recharge. On the couch, taking care of my Netflix backlog. But I also had things to do: the laundry for instance. Cleaning. Phone calls. Pedicures. I could multi-task, but I was wary of getting too involved in the separation of colors & whites that I might miss out on getting all choked up about little Damian or not chewing my fingernails as John Leguizamo tried to track down a serial killer.

So I watched the Bollywood action thriller, James, instead.
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The University of Madras has found its new spokesman in Ilaya Dalapathy Vijay. These are some of his lines from the Deepavali blockbuster, Sivakasi. I also plan to use them as my wedding vows.

oruthanukku oruthiya vaazhanum-na andha oruthanukku mattum indha maadhiri odambe kaatu, ippidi oorukkellaam kaattunaenu vechukke, appram oorle ulle athane payalgalum un koode vaazhanum-nu nenaippaan.

ponna lakshanama azhaga saelaiye katti izhuthu pOthikkittu vandhen-nu vechukke, aambalainge ellaam unne ponna ille, mahalakshmiya nenachu kai eduthu kumbuduvaainge

aayiram thaan irindhaalum avan aambale, police-aave irindhaalum neenge pombale…modhale pombalaya nadanthukkOnge

And that’s when I stepped outside, spat at the blonde in her bikini, cursed the girl in the low rise jeans and lit up the cigarette I had extracted from the shirt-collar with my teeth.

Anthony Hopkins Is The World’s Fastest Indian

[via] The Movie Blog

Blame it on the hurricane and all that, but my first reaction was that Sir Anthony Hopkins was too old to play Narain Karthikeyan, until I realized what they were talking about. And if you’re wondering if Hopkins is going to be riding a shiny Royal Enfield Bullet, then NO.

Post Script PJ:
Why would ‘Rear Window’ be a bad title choice for a movie on Narain Karthikeyan?
Because no one would be interested in a blank script.

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The fragrance becomes the flavor of the heart and the petals represent the blossomed mind. The thorns show the strength in me.

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Actor Madhavan says:

I think Black should’ve been selected for the Oscar. This is clearly not a fair and unbiased selection. My heart reaches out to Mr Bachchan and Mr Bhansali. When it comes to being denied what I deserve, I’m the king.

Got to agree with him. He deserved a month in solitary confinement under Section 294 of the Indian Penal Code (obscene acts and songs to the annoyance of others in any public place) for Priyamaana Thozhi & Priyasakhi, and a left hook to the jaw for thinking Black was a good movie.